Take the Long Way Home

So, I'm back.

Back to the place I've been before - The place that I will forever call home.

I was so set on staying away from this place for a long as I could while I was still in school, but when it came down to it, I've found that it isn't so bad. There are good times, good friends here. There is a clean house. There is an (awesome) backyard here. There is unlimited wine here. There is a secure job and a steady paycheck here. There are homecooked meals and already bought groceries here. Best of all, there is water here. Lots of it.

I will forever love living near the lake. I miss the sounds and the smells and the feeling of the beach. Even though it is so close to my house, I feel like there is nothing around when I'm hanging out at the beach. Just water and rocks. And beers and weed if you plan your stroll down to the water correctly. Just great.

The feeligs that I love about Waterloo will always be there too, and I will rediscover them when it's time to go back.

It's good to be back.

If There's Love, I Just Want to Have Something to Do With It.

I just finished watching a movie (in two parts): Paper Heart. It's a story about a young girl (Charlyne Yi) who tries to figure out if love exists by interviewing different people on the topic, and making a movie about it. While making the film, she, the biggest love skeptic, finds it (in Michael Cera). It is an adorable film. One that makes me believe and fills my heart with hope that true love does exist. As Charlyne goes around the country asking people what true love means to them, some of the answers really got me thinking.

"When I was stuck under the freezing cold water, I thought - I can't die this way. Then I saw my ex-wife's face. She didn't say anything or do anything, but I remember feeling serenity and I swam up and made it to shore. I didn't see my first and what I thought to be my true love's face - but my ex wife's. What this told me was that that love was real, and it was there."

"I think it's going to last a really long time.. even though we are so young. It's real."

"It's that person who you don't want to be without."

"It's all about the 'like'", one man said. And his wife agreed.

"It's one thing to love someone on some level, on multiple levels even, but to really like that person. To genuinly enjoy them around. And to not want to see a day without them in your life. And then to also have that certain level of love."

I've been in love. On one of those levels that this man talked about. And even thought I haven't felt a love like this since, I am convinced that this love was real. But there seemed to be lacking something, and that something was the 'like'. I see this now. Interesting. I didn't know you could love someone without liking them. I mean, I must have liked them at one point. Then that 'like' went away, but the love stayed. Somewhere. And I don't think that love will ever go away really. But I think this love that I have experienced is just one level I have seen myself be capable of. There are so many other levels that I have and have not fallen into yet.

If I do fall in another level of love, I don't think that erases the first level. It just keeps adding.

I've been in like. And I've loved them on some level. But perhaps not the love. Crazy, romantic, passionate, consuming, ridiculous love. (Okay, I might have taken some of those adjectives from Sex and the City.. but Bradshaw's got a point). If that crazy level of love had been there, it may have been perfect. I kept hoping it would show up but it didn't. When I was in love, I was waiting for the like to come back. And while I was in this like, I was waiting for the love.

People always say that the person they spend their life with "complete's them", right? Maybe that person can fulfill aaalll your levels of love at once...

With an enormous side order of like.

They call her out by her Name.

I wish I had this blog on a device that I could take to go... (am I expressing a desire for a blackberry? uhhh ohh..) It's just that I always have thoughts when I'm walking around town, seeing smiles and frowns and people doing things that make me smile and frown and eventually get me thinking.. but by the time I get my ass back to a computer, wait for 'ol bessie to boot up, put on Shiver by Shawn Desmand, creep facebook and then get on good old blogspot.. the thoughts have left my head.
It's a damn good thing I keep getting more.

I was listening to the song 'She Talks to Angels' today by The Black Crowes - a classic kg favourite. I can't get sick of it and every time I hear it, i feel something. It got me thinking about other songs that make me feel this as well. Why do I like them? Desparado by The Eagles. Into the Mystic by Van Morrisson. The common denominator? I can't seem to figure them out.

There are some songs I can't get enough of because the lyrics are so powerful and meaningful. These are songs that I will listen to over and over and over until I've got them completely figured out and there is no more room in my brain for interpretation. Examples: Total Eclipse of the Heart, Speechless (Gaga) and Edge of Desire (JM).
Sometimes (like Shiver), the lyrics aren't the powerful aspect, but the sounds. The beat. The images that appear in my head when I listen to them. That's what I love about the song.
But these song obsessions go away.

Angels, Desparado and Mytic obsessions are stuck to me. They are beyond me. For me, their beauty lies in the mystery of their meaning. And I like it.
I guess that's the case for most things, really - The ocean. The universe. Far away places that we can't yet reach but can only imagine what it would be like if we could.

After telling me that a restaurant that used to just be a family restaurant seems so much smaller now that it is her workplace, I responded to my bestie (http://imnotreallygone.blogspot.com/), that things tend to seem a lot smaller when you've figured them out.
Apparently for me, the most beautiful things are those you can't figure out...


Stay big.